Amniocentesis

baby bean: 18  weeks and 5 days.

After our morphology scan on Tuesday, we went to see our GP for the result. The doctor said our baby has a very low potential of being a down syndrome, hence, I need to do a blood and amniocentesis test asap.


Though Kevin and I have discussed about whether or not keeping our baby if she is down syndrome, it was still new and overwhelming to me. My mind went blank and couldn't continue to listen to the doctor.


I burst into tears and could not help myself out though it was a very low chance of risk... For me, as a mother-to-be, I don't like taking risks especially risk on someone i love deeply and so much already.


I understand this isn't even the tiniest mater of mater to the entire world, but it's already sounded like the end of my world. I started questioning and blaming on myself whether i did something really bad to force her have to sacrifice with me, i blame on myself if i have been eaten unhealthy food, I blame on myself basically every single stupid and tiniest thing i couldn't have thought of before. Being a mother is truly strong and powerful, but being a mother-to-be is weak as me right now sometimes, isn't it?


I know it's not even the tiniest mater of mater to the world at all, please allow myself to be selfishly enlarge my tiniest fact that risks on my beautiful daughter-to-be's life to the max and allow my to cry our for the night so I am able to act fine from tomorrow. I am only hoping, in the coming future when I look back this particular blog, I can laugh myself out loud and yell how silly and funny I used to be.